Thursday, September 6, 2012
Response to "I Don't Wait Anymore" by Grace for the Road, a blog that was recently shared on Facebook
Link to original blog: http://gracefortheroad.com/2012/02/03/idontwait/
I have been married for a month and two days now...my husband is 19 and I am 20.
Lives are so beautifully different because of God's grace - he can use a single woman in mighty ways and a married woman in different mighty ways. I think sometimes Christians can spiritualize marriage and make it some kind of lofty goal, like it's akin to the glory of God. Well it's not, even with all the great perks (and I'm no dummy, I'm not gonna deny that there are some fabulous perks to being married). But if you stop and think about it with eternity in mind, singleness is the permanent condition, not marriage. As a married woman this sometimes makes me sad, but it is also freeing for me because it reminds me that Jesus is the only permanent thing for me in the light of eternity. It also helps me to lighten up. Sometimes I can get so tense because I lose perspective. Some little thing hurts my feelings, I have a bad dream where he's not there to help or save me (yes, this actually has happened and he was actually in trouble for a few seconds until I came to my senses), or something else happens and I make it a bigger deal than it is. But if I remember that I don't rely on my husband for my happiness, suddenly my expectations settle to an attainable level. Suddenly I have better perspective on life.
And it is that perspective on life that is so very valuable, and a woman does NOT need a husband to gain that eternal perspective.
So when I read this blog and I heard about all these girls (and guys) who bought in to the fantasy of "God will bring you a spouse if you just honor Him," I just wanted to write down my thoughts, as much for my benefit as anyone else's. Because if I heard that message growing up, I certainly didn't buy it. God's really going to drop a husband in my lap? And I don't even need to date - God will just show me in His time? It seems to me that placing myself in situations and groups where I can meet people makes more sense. I don't know, I just have little patience for a girl who cries because she wants to get married but God hasn't left a man on her doorstep with a "From God" tag around his neck yet.
Now, I HAVE only been married a month. So...I'm sorry if I'm a little idealistic in my thinking and experiences. These thoughts are by NO means complete or probably even that coherent, but I need to wrap it up because I'm not really getting anywhere right now and I have class in the morning. So, I will sleep on this and report either tomorrow night or the next day. chau!
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Hey Ariel! I read the original blog that you responded to, and thought it was really great. I liked your response as well--lots of wisdom there. I was just going to reply to the part where you said, "I just have little patience for a girl who cries because she wants to get married but God hasn't left a man on her doorstep..." You're probably right about that. I think God definitely expects action out of us in many situations. However... in my case... I didn't meet my husband until I was 32--six months after he had been widowed (widowered?). He was 100% unavailable to me until then, and he is undoubtedly my "perfect" God-made match in every way. Had I spent all those years dating around, I could have ended up with more heartache, giving more emotions away to people who they weren't meant for, etc. I would have been in situations that would have just made me uncomfortable, which make it nearly impossible to "be yourself." I could have learned important lessons also, and I would say that from the very few dating situations I was in, I did learn a lot. I suppose it helped me learn about myself and about what kind of person I would need in a husband. But the main thing I learned was that I would rather be single than married to the wrong person. A lot of people asked me how I expected to meet anyone, and I would reply, "I don't know. I may not meet anyone." I don't necessarily think you were implying that people should date around just to date, but let me also say that the older you get, the more increasingly difficult it becomes to put yourself in situations and groups where you will meet someone, as you suggested. There are fewer single men period, and very few who meet high standards a Christian girl might have.
ReplyDeleteI'm not wanting to sound critical at all. I just want to say, that maybe for some people, the right thing to do is just wait for God to drop off a husband. I could not have found mine by looking--I was available but he was not. And I could not have gotten him any earlier than I did. It was a long wait but it was worth it, and God really did deliver him to me!
Thank you for your thoughtful reply! I think that what separates you from what I was talking about is your attitude. You got to do some AMAZING things in those years before you married Philip. I still remember sitting at the table at Grammy's listening to you talk about a trip or study abroad or something and thinking about how cool it would be to get to travel like that. And your attitude was so great toward the whole idea of getting married - it's better to be happily single than miserably married.
ReplyDeleteI guess the person I was talking about when I said "a girl who sits around crying because God hasn't left a man on her doorstep" is a girl who is completely unhappily single but also turns down any offers to date because she's "waiting on God." She doesn't do anything to look nice, even for nicer occasions like church. She doesn't get involved in a ministry that can help her learn to be content. She might have girlfriends, but if they have boyfriends, then she feels hurt every time they choose to hang out with their boys instead of with her. She might even want to be a mom but she knows that the husband has to come first, so she holds other people's babies and then goes home and cries and cries without seeking any kind of solace. (and THAT is the key. I don't think longing is wrong at all, but it can become ridiculous when the complainer does nothing at all to help with whatever they are complaining about.)
I'm sure that there were hard times for you, but I think your actions showed that you weren't desperate for a husband. You were content to do whatever God needed and be wherever He was. That sounds like a great time of life, and I admire that.
It didn't turn out that way for me. I met someone when I was barely 19, decided I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, and we got married and we're doing great! I am glad to be living my life, and I know that you are loving yours. Or at least I'm pretty sure you are. :)
I hope I communicated what I really want to say: Attitude is everything. I could say that my husband was dropped in my lap, too; just a little earlier!