I suggest you read the linked blog post before reading mine...it will make more sense.
http://theartinlife.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/my-husband-is-not-my-soul-mate/
This is exactly how I feel. 11 days before my own 1st wedding anniversary, I know that God did NOT orchestrate events so that my husband and I would get married. He loves us as individuals and blessed our union, but becoming husband and wife was our choice, not a cosmically divined event. Like the author of this article, I like it better that way because I know that the way I choose to live with and love my husband is my responsibility. If and when there are arguments and fights and stress and bitterness and hurt and healing, all of those things are our responsibility and we cannot blame God for whatever hardships we face.
"The One" is a myth that, at worst, leads to disappointment; rationalization of pre-marital entanglement of the emotional and physical kind; disillusioned, desparate, depressed Christian singles who don't understand why God has not given them a spouse yet; and poorly matched couples who stay together and get married because "God told them to," leading to a more-difficult-than-average marriage and the high Christian divorce rate (just perhaps! I have no research to support my guess). At best, a person who waits for "the one" does gets married eventually and happily and doesn't regret anything about their life, or they stay happily single, serving God and others. It seems to me, though, that most people imagine raising their own family...and kissing dating good-bye when you're 18 isn't ideal for finding a spouse and having children at the time of optimal fertility.
One thing that really got to me as I was thinking about and mulling over whether or not I want to raise my own children to "kiss dating good-bye," was a challenge to do the math. For example, let's say a couple (assume they were born in the same year) has a child when they are 34. When the child graduates high school at 18, his parents will be 52. Add four years (at least) for college graduation. Now, as that young man is graduating from college, his parents are 56. Now, the parents believe that before their kids can get married, they must have a strong career. They threaten to withdraw emotional support if their son marries his girlfriend, whom he has been dating for three years and they've been talking about getting married since their junior year in college. Being Christians, they know that they cannot have a sexual relationship until they get married, and they are in love and want to be married, but their parents (her parents also refuse to support a wedding before she has a career) won't allow it...even though they're grown adults. They sin sexually and endure shame and the girlfriend begins to be depressed and now the young man doesn't know what to do. When they finally receive the go-ahead to get married, they are 30 years old and carry so much emotional baggage that it takes a few years of counseling for them to forgive themselves, each other, and their parents. Refreshed and ready to go, they start trying to have a family, but discover that the wife has enormous difficulty conceiving. They weren't told that 90% of a woman's egg supply is gone by the time she reaches the age of 30, not to mention the fact that she was on birth control for the past 9 years before they got married. When they finally, joyously, have their first child, they are 36 and the husband's parents are 70 years old.
70 years old! Now imagine that the very first couple had married and started having kids when they finished college at the age of 22. Their first child would have graduated high school when his parents were 40. And if that first child had been bold enough to marry because he knew he loved his girlfriend and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and she felt the same way, they may not have had so much difficulty having their first child at the age of 24. The new grandparents are not 70 years old, but 46 years old! (Add 4 years for college and 2 years of newlywed/getting settled.) Imagine the difference the grandparents will be able to make in their kids' and grandkids' lives. They have 24 more years to play and romp and impart wisdom than the new grandparents who are 70 years old.
I was blessed with grandparents and even great-grandparents because (not entirely on purpose), the math of my family ended up more like the second example than the first one. Please don't misquote me - children are blessing no matter how old their parents are. Period, hands down, no discussion required. And marriage is a beautiful thing no matter how old the bride and groom are.
But why WAIT? If a couple are in love and want to be married and are of maturity (rather than of age...some 40-year-olds aren't mature enough to get married, and some 18-year-olds are)...why put it off? And more importantly, why put yourself in danger of sinning against the God of heaven? I know some people will say, "You shouldn't just get married so you can have sex! It should be deeper than that!" No offense, but if you think that your relationship can be deeper than sex, you haven't had it before. (And if you aren't married - that's GOOD!) No one in their right minds gets married "just to have sex." It takes a LOT of work to put together the kind of wedding that most brides want, and ain't no one gonna go through that who isn't expecting to be married for their whole life. Therefore, any couple who wants to get married is considering things besides their sexual relationship. Especially Christian couples, to whom I am speaking. What I am saying is that if a couple is attracted to each other and loves each other and wants to have a family together, they will want to have sex with each other. WHY (if you are of maturity) place yourself and your boy/girlfriend in the compromising situation of wanting and dreaming and LONGING to be married for 3, 4, 5 years before you actually tie the knot? I understand apprehension about juggling marriage and school, I've had to deal, and I still am dealing, with it myself. But studies show that married college students do better than their single counterparts. I've seen it be true in my own life - my gpa was higher the last two semesters since I got married. In this way, it's similiar to a common prejudice against student athletes, who are the students with the busiest schedules and, often, some of the highest grades. And even after college is often considered "too young" to get married. Maybe people don't realize just how cheaply you can live and just how much money you can earn when you're willing to do whatever it takes to support a family.
I realize that I digress...quite a bit. This is just something I feel strongly about because of my life experience. Others will feel strongly about disagreeing with me and that's okay with me. I really don't need everyone to think I'm right. I'm sure my perspective is very skewed, especially on an emotional topic like this. I don't mean to criticize people whose lives have played out differently than mine.
I just want to tell the people who picture their lives as a cartoon, imagining their protagonist partner dropping in on them like Aladdin and Jasmine or something silly like that. If you don't want to be single, make it apparent on the outside, how you look. Girls, put on makeup and take time to choose a cute and modest wardrobe (vs t-shirt and athletic shorts every day). Guys, shower and put on deoderant. Comb your hair. Don't just be attractive (adjective - describes you), be ATTRACTIBLE (adverb - describes what you do). Make friends - as many friends as your personality can handle - and be yourself with them. Relax and be honest about who you are because you are special and no one else can offer exactly what you have to offer. Don't pretend to be someone you're not to attract someone you like - remember, you're dating to get married, and you don't want to be someone else forever - you want to be YOU! I never thought I'd marry someone who likes to play video games like I do. It is a geeky thing I never grew out of - I enjoy playing MarioKart or turning on my Game Boy Color or plugging in the N64 for some Zelda every once in a while. I was embarrassed about that when I first starting meeting people at college, but I discovered that when I was honest and open, people tended to like me more! And the best part was, I liked myself more. When I was honest about not liking scary movies and admitted that I like to cuddle with stuffed animals, I became more confident in myself. My friends happened to accept me even with this silly quirks...if others don't, I don't care! There are others and you DON'T have to be friends with everyone. It is okay to have acquaintences with whom you share a few memories, but didn't gel well with you, so you moved on. A perfect example is a girl I knew and saw often my freshman year of college. And though we had two classes together and saw each other everyday, we didn't become close friends because our personalities are polar opposites. She made other friends, and when the year ended we went our separate ways.
Let go of the perfection delusion. There is no reason to stress yourself out trying to be exactly the way you think everyone else wants/expects you to be. Relax a little and be yourself. If you find your self-worth in what you do and accomplish or who your friends are, you will be disappointed. Christians seek their self-worth in Jesus because His love is perfect and never ever changes or lets you down. If you aren't a Christian, you can still make good life choices and be a confident person with attractability.
And remember, God loves you and He wants the best for you. But he also gave you a brain, a discerning spirit, and wise counsel so you can make your own choices, and so that they can be good choices. Consider carefully when you look for a spouse, but be careful of extreme scrutiny. Give second chances, but don't be emotionally insecure enough to allow someone to walk on you. And finally, take everything you hear with a grain of salt, including what I just wrote.
God bless you all!
Tuesday, July 23, 2013
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Embryonic Stem Cell Research and Designer Babies: Where Do We Draw the Line?
Have
you ever wished you looked different? Maybe you want a different eye color or
your teeth are really crooked. Maybe when you were a kid you were teased about
your freckles or when you fell off the tire swing your broken leg didn’t heal
quite right. Perhaps you were born with a “disability” or “deformity” and
always feel awkward about meeting new people. Maybe, like me, you learned to
talk around a stammering older brother and though he grew out of it, you never
have. Maybe there’s a quirk about you that you wish you could change. And
maybe, just maybe, you’ve thought about your own children and wondered if
they’ll have to deal with the same kind of stuff.
Advances
in genetic research have begun to open doors for couples who want to screen the
embryos (fertilized eggs) they produce. Pre-implantation genetic diagnosis (or
PGD), a technique developed to look for genetic diseases in embryos, can also
be used to determine the sex of the embryo. As science continues to advance,
people are looking forward to a time when hopeful parents can select more than
their child’s sex—they could select the physical traits of the child.
This
is not yet a possibility, and there are serious ethical implications of the
availability of such a procedure. Some on the “for” side of this issue argue
that human life does not begin until the implantation of the embryo in the
uterus. Others on the same side argue for the “14-day mark,” which is related
to the early development of the embryo. Because monozygotic twinning can occur
until the 15th day of the pregnancy, the embryo is not yet a human
fetus.
This argument
makes me pause. It makes sense to me. When I consider identical twins I know,
it is clear to me that they are two different people. If their lives began at
conception, wouldn’t they be two halves of one whole? Or which twin is the
“copy” of the person before the splitting? No, identical twins are genetic
clones, not halves of one whole. They are distinct people—each twin possesses
all the faculties of any other human being.
The argument
that centers on implantation for the beginning of life makes less sense to me
because the embryo itself does not have new properties, just a new location. In
the 14-day mark argument, the embryo matures until it can no longer split and
form an entirely new human being because the cells are differentiated past that
point.
To make the
ethical hubbub a little clearer, I need to emphasize that this is not like
ordering a Sonic burger. This is not selecting children from a menu of sex and
physical traits. This is producing several embryos in a lab using the couples’
eggs and sperm and then sending out the ones that do not meet the criteria. For
now, technology can only screen for genetic diseases and sex. The leftover
embryos—which could survive if allowed to be born, but are the wrong sex or
genetically damaged—are usually sent to labs for embryonic stem cell research.
Once they arrive there, they are destroyed in the process of removing their
stem cells.
In a new
development, though, a recent press release from the Advanced Cell Technology
Company claims that their researchers have found a way to harvest embryonic
stem cells without destroying the embryo itself. Instead, they use what they
call “single blast technology,” where they take one stem cell and use it to
produce more stem cells. This is similar to the PGD procedure that I briefly
mentioned earlier. In PGD, the DNA in that one cell is analyzed for genetic
diseases, which is possible because geneticists know where to look on the
chromosomes for the mutated gene.
This
new and less destructive possibility makes me stop and think again. If
embryonic stem cell research is ethically objectionable because the embryos are
destroyed in the process of harvesting the stem cells, then is it okay if the
embryos would not be harmed? But still, what would happen to all the leftover
embryos from in vitro clinics? Would scientists freeze them for later use? That
would probably not be a viable option because there are already hundreds of
thousands of embryos worldwide—where would we keep them all? Then again, they
probably wouldn’t take up very much space, so maybe a bank of catalogued
embryos would be a good human resource (literally). Then all we would need
would be artificial wombs and the human race would be set. I mean, if aliens
invade the planet, I know I would want a fallback, just in case.
If
the ethical concern of using human embryos for spare parts is avoided by the Advanced
Cell Technology Company’s technology, then all that remains between me and a
designer baby are twenty years of scientific advances and my own personal
beliefs. Since I have no control over the pace of science, I can only consider
my own reaction. The first question I ask is, “Is it ethical?” Well, if there
is no destruction of the extra embryos then I would answer with I don’t believe it’s unethical. The next
question I ask, though, is this: “Is it responsible?” Just because science can
do something, does that mean it should? If this technology is advanced and can become
available to the general public at an affordable price, should it be made
available? Should scientists and doctors give the choice to those with the
means of creating the child they dream of having?
It appeals to
me, but no. I prefer to let God be in charge of the life-making while I focus
on the homemaking. I am thankful for advances in medicine, but I do not feel
that attempting to pick and choose the traits of my offspring is a responsible use
of technology.
Besides, my
husband is so good-looking, I’m bound to have beautiful babies.
From the Author:
Thank you for reading! For more
information on PGD and the Advanced Cell Technology Company, check out the
following links.
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